In honor of Seymour Cray, please observe a nanosecond of silence.

"I hate daylight savings. Besides... I'd rather have the extra daylight
in the morning, while I'm still asleep and don't have to deal with it. " --Lawrence Solomon

I think a really funny joke would be for NASA to send up rockets and push a
bunch of planets out of alignment.  Then they could sit back and laugh when
everyone realizes that their horoscopes aren't coming true. --Dave James

I am the most anti-social person I know.  But of course, I don't know
anyone because I'm so anti-social.  --Derek Neitzel

The next time someone calls you an idiot, I think a good way to retaliate
is to take off your clothes and run at them screaming.  Boy, does THAT
confuse them!  --Craig Stacey

When I run marathons, my goal isn't to win or to place, or even to finish
it under a certain time.  It's to catch that cute guy with the nice butt in
the little shorts running in front of me.  --Ann Dantsuka

I bet that guy who learned everything he needed to know in kindergarten
feels pretty dumb paying his student loan every month.  --Pat Perez

I used to lose my temper in arguments, until someone told me, "Cooler heads
prevail."  Thus began my collection in the basement freezer. --John H.
Crocker

The first thing I do after opening a bar of Ivory soap is to scrape off the
.0056 part that's impure.  I mean, who wants to wash themselves with that
crap?  --Paul Paternoster

Remember, no matter how heavy something is, you can always make it weigh
more by tossing bricks on it.  --Eryk Nielsen

Sometimes I'll think, "Is life worth living?"  and then I'll think, "Is
death worth dying?"  and then I'll think, "Is cheese worth cheesing?"  and
then I'll think, "Whew!  I've had enough to drink!"  --R.M. Weiner

My friend Lee says that smoking pot makes people lazy and unmotivated. I
say we kick his ass one of these days when we can get around to it. --Mark
Niebuhr

When I rent video tapes, sometimes they say the film has been reformatted
to fit my TV.  How do they know what TV I have?  Is that creepy or what?
--Greg Leafe

I believe what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is their own
business, unless I can somehow see it on the Internet.  --Jim Rosenberg 

 Well, today was a total waste of makeup.

 Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

 A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

 This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 You! Off my planet!

 Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

 Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after
 them.

 Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

 I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

 Earth is full. Go home.

 I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

 Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

 Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

 Do I look like a fucking people person?

 This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
 
 I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

 I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

 If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self control.

 Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
 
 God was my copilot, but we crashed into the mountains and I had to eat
him.

 A PBS mind in an MTV world.

 Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

 Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.