Here, off the top of my head, are thirteen guidelines for
writing about the Internet, based on much of the coverage I've
seen/heard during the past year...

1.  Be sure to confuse online services like AOL and CI$ with the Internet.
2.  Be sure to confuse the Web, the Internet, and Usenet with each other.
3.  Be sure to declaim that there are fortunes to be made on the net.
4.  Be sure to claim the Internet isn't yet ready for business use.
5.  Be sure to claim that the Internet is ready for business use.
6.  Talk about how the Internet was created to survive a nuclear attack.
    For extra points, find a way to pronounce it "nuke-u-lar" in print.
7.  Pick an Internet population survey and report on it as if it were true.
8.  Be sure to obsesss on all that pronography which litters the Internet
    like dead possums on a back road.  Don't actually try looking for any,
    as first-hand research doesn't count.  For extra credit, quote Marty
    Rimm's pseudo-study; for double credit, quote from the Time magazine
    pseudo-coverage of it.
9.  Talk about how companies like Microsoft and AOL are making the net
    easier and better to use.  Don't ask anyone at those companies how much
    money they've taken in reselling the concept of the Internet.
10. Talk about how great the net is for mass market email.  If you're
    not up to speed on this, post a query in one or two newsgroups asking
    for some junk mail...
11. Extoll the virtues of the Web as a multimedia, interactive playground
    and business platform.  If you have a 28.8 modem, don't actually try
    anything; go find somebody with a T1 line and use their system.
12. Report on Internet-over-cable, voice-over-Internet, and the like as
    mature technologies that will be readily available in time for
    the holiday shopping season.
13. Be sure to mention how companies like AT&T, MCI, Sprint and such
    have made Internet access broadly available, cheap and easy.