From Ben....

My sworn brother sent me this whole file wehn I sent him the quotes ema il....
Yikes.

I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is.
Pardon me, but would you have any Blue Poupon?
That was Zen. This is Tao.
Violence seems like a strong word until you are cornered.
I'm a pacifist! And I'll kill anyone who disagre es!
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere...
Nudity is the best policy.
Jesus died for somone's sins, but not mine....
Try Trojans: It's the one your father used.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a roc k.
Don't EVER squat with spurs on! OUCH!
GOD.SYS corrupted, heaven halted.
Safe sex is never having to say: You have WHAT?!
Watch out for low-flying armadillos.
Avoid hamburgers made of wooden cows.
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?
Jack and Jill went up the hill - Why was he called Jack?
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
Pure Energy!
Just my opinion (but I'm right)!
When an agnostic dies, does he go to the great perhaps?< br> Healthy Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.
Handwritten on a condom machine: "This gum tastes funny."
Question 439 on the Purity Test: "Ever masturbated into fudge?"
Question 440 on the Purity Test: "Ever masturbated on [sic] a housepl ant?"
Pet delusion: I am not a target market.
Why yes, I AM a rocket scientist!
Abort, Retry, Fail, Influence with bigger hammer?
Abort, Retry, Fuck?
That's not a bald spot! It's a solar panel for my libido!
Most common elements i n the universe: hydrogen & stupidity.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Never, EVER pull a german sheperd's tongue!
Well, that was rather predictable...
Well, nuts to you!
So you admit confirming not denying tha t?
Can you kill a tiger with sodawater?
Can you stop a train with a yodeler?
I walk through the forest with ugly spirits...
A mind is like a parachute: it works only when open.
Sir, I'd like to spank your bald head & lick it.
Does anyone know how to get cat puke off a keyboard?
I have removed the batteries from my biological clock.
If people were judged on ideas, you'd be a coffee table.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
If you smoke after sex, you'r e doing it too slowly.
Coca-Cola, not just for breakfast anymore!
If you win the rat race, you're stil a rat.
Peace, Love, & Chees Whiz.
The few, the proud, the totally insane.
It was not the best of times, but at least we had Jell-o.
I almost saw Elvis today, but my shovel broke.
I came, I saw, I imploded.
Bozon: The element of stupidity.
Why?
Why ask why? Try Spam dry!
Live hard, die fast, leave a note.
Don't spank me, I'm only tagging.
No, you *can' t* call 911 _now_, - I'm downloading my mail!
She was busy picking her nose, so I didn't want to bother her.
Take to the sky on a natural high!
Avoid socially transmitted funkiness.
Some people call me a space cowboy.
Lonely? Call this #: 212 976 4756 [Note: This is a long distance call and toll charges may apply, in addition to normal fees.]
I'm not possessed! I'm hooked on Demonics!
You pig! You ejaculated in the salad dressing!
It's a God eat God world.
There's a k angaroo on my balcony!
What green & stands alone in the corner? A naughty frog!
Limbaugh/Cthulu 96! This time the GREATEST evil!
"Ooh, Ooh, eat me, eat ME! I'm organic!"
"You know what I hate?" "Burlap shorts?"
Cat (n.): 1) furry keyb oard cover 2) alarm clock
YES! We all should keep our SUPEREGOS in our SOCKS!
Would you mind being *intelligible* once in awhile?
I was just helping the pig over the fence...
You have dishonored our national fish! DIE, INFIDEL!
"Falli ng can be a lot of fun, even when it really hurts."
Heh heh, elite, nod nod nudge nudge wink wink.
Practice safe government, use kingdoms.
Karaoke is a Japanese word meaning "tone deaf".
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! But first, some prose I wrot e...
Masturbation & chocolate will heal all.
I'm heavily armed, easily bored, and off my medication!
Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
Now I'm gonna bite you with my wit...
God? I'm not God. I'm merely a cheap god i mitation.
Whaddya mean eat it? It's still movin'!
The floggings will continue until morale improves.
Do not taunt sleeping dragons, for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup.
Just remember: the world is *MY* squeeze toy.
Get a free s huggoth in every box of Sugar Nylarothopops!
I growed up on a mayo farm between Visalia & Bakersfield.
Give them RADAR-guided Skee Ball lanes and Velveeta!
Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?
Now you all know my dark secret. ...

'I ' M N O T W E A R I N G A N Y P A N T S
http:/www.nopants.com
(c) 1994 Pantless Productions (tm)

"Its not the size of the homepage, but the quality..."'
When I die, I want to go the same way my grandfather did. Peacefully. In his sleep. Not kicking and screaming. The way his passengers were...
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
The secret of the universe is @*&^3^U$INO CARRIER
D id anyone see my lost carrier?
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Ar tificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Friends help you move. Real f riends help you move bodies.
I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Double your drive space - delete Windows!
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Assassin s do it from behind.
Theives do it in the dark.
Running crew does it onstage.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be ha ppy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
"Beat me up, Scotty." -The last words of James Tiberius "Kinky" Kirk
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
Don't take life too se riously, you won't get out alive anyway.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The gene pool coul d use a little chlorine.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
All generalizations are f alse, including this one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
"Our brains are pointing at the same address!"
"Go ahead - run me over! It's just another test that I won' t have to take!"
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! S tay! Staaay...
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename?"
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
File not found. Sh ould I fake it? (Y/N)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
All computers wait at the same speed.
Press to continue ...
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Press any key... no, no, no, not *that* one!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

This exhausti ve list of additional taglines brought to you by Ben Stern, class of 2000, and CEO of Firestorm Enterprises, Incorporated. (Meeting all of your programming and tagline needs since 1994).
bstern@usuhsb.usuhs.mil

I think he's a little warped, what do you think?

Back! Back! Flee this place!