My sworn brother sent me this whole file wehn I sent him the quotes ema
I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is.
Pardon me, but would you have any Blue Poupon?
That was Zen. This is Tao.
Violence seems like a strong word until you are cornered.
I'm a pacifist! And I'll kill anyone who disagre es!
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere...
Nudity is the best policy.
Jesus died for somone's sins, but not mine....
Try Trojans: It's the one your father used.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a roc k.
Don't EVER squat with spurs on! OUCH!
GOD.SYS corrupted, heaven halted.
Safe sex is never having to say: You have WHAT?!
Watch out for low-flying armadillos.
Avoid hamburgers made of wooden cows.
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?
Jack and Jill went up the hill - Why was he called Jack?
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
Just my opinion (but I'm right)!
When an agnostic dies, does he go to the great perhaps?< br> Healthy Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.
Handwritten on a condom machine: "This gum tastes funny."
Question 439 on the Purity Test: "Ever masturbated into fudge?"
Question 440 on the Purity Test: "Ever masturbated on [sic] a housepl ant?"
Pet delusion: I am not a target market.
Why yes, I AM a rocket scientist!
Abort, Retry, Fail, Influence with bigger hammer?
Abort, Retry, Fuck?
That's not a bald spot! It's a solar panel for my libido!
Most common elements i n the universe: hydrogen & stupidity.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Never, EVER pull a german sheperd's tongue!
Well, that was rather predictable...
Well, nuts to you!
So you admit confirming not denying tha t?
Can you kill a tiger with sodawater?
Can you stop a train with a yodeler?
I walk through the forest with ugly spirits...
A mind is like a parachute: it works only when open.
Sir, I'd like to spank your bald head & lick it.
Does anyone know how to get cat puke off a keyboard?
I have removed the batteries from my biological clock.
If people were judged on ideas, you'd be a coffee table.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
If you smoke after sex, you'r e doing it too slowly.
Coca-Cola, not just for breakfast anymore!
If you win the rat race, you're stil a rat.
Peace, Love, & Chees Whiz.
The few, the proud, the totally insane.
It was not the best of times, but at least we had Jell-o.
I almost saw Elvis today, but my shovel broke.
I came, I saw, I imploded.
Bozon: The element of stupidity.
Why ask why? Try Spam dry!
Live hard, die fast, leave a note.
Don't spank me, I'm only tagging.
No, you *can' t* call 911 _now_, - I'm downloading my mail!
She was busy picking her nose, so I didn't want to bother her.
Take to the sky on a natural high!
Avoid socially transmitted funkiness.
Some people call me a space cowboy.
Lonely? Call this #: 212 976 4756 [Note: This is a long distance call and toll charges may apply, in addition to normal fees.]
I'm not possessed! I'm hooked on Demonics!
You pig! You ejaculated in the salad dressing!
It's a God eat God world.
There's a k angaroo on my balcony!
What green & stands alone in the corner? A naughty frog!
Limbaugh/Cthulu 96! This time the GREATEST evil!
"Ooh, Ooh, eat me, eat ME! I'm organic!"
"You know what I hate?" "Burlap shorts?"
Cat (n.): 1) furry keyb oard cover 2) alarm clock
YES! We all should keep our SUPEREGOS in our SOCKS!
Would you mind being *intelligible* once in awhile?
I was just helping the pig over the fence...
You have dishonored our national fish! DIE, INFIDEL!
"Falli ng can be a lot of fun, even when it really hurts."
Heh heh, elite, nod nod nudge nudge wink wink.
Practice safe government, use kingdoms.
Karaoke is a Japanese word meaning "tone deaf".
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! But first, some prose I wrot e...
Masturbation & chocolate will heal all.
I'm heavily armed, easily bored, and off my medication!
Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
Now I'm gonna bite you with my wit...
God? I'm not God. I'm merely a cheap god i mitation.
Whaddya mean eat it? It's still movin'!
The floggings will continue until morale improves.
Do not taunt sleeping dragons, for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup.
Just remember: the world is *MY* squeeze toy.
Get a free s huggoth in every box of Sugar Nylarothopops!
I growed up on a mayo farm between Visalia & Bakersfield.
Give them RADAR-guided Skee Ball lanes and Velveeta!
Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me?
Now you all know my dark secret. ...
This exhausti ve list of additional taglines
brought to you by Ben Stern, class of 2000, and CEO of Firestorm
Enterprises, Incorporated. (Meeting all of your programming and tagline
needs since 1994).
I think he's a little warped, what do you think?
Back! Back! Flee this place!